Mechanically Recovered Meat

In seeking inspiration, I am looking through a cache of unpublished or briefly-published-and-then-deleted writings. I forgot that I was so tortured and prolific. One day, like Stanley Kubrick, I shall be gone, and then all my unpublished works will be discovered and exposed to the masses, quite against my explicit wishes. I'm not sure if that would be a good thing, so maybe I should at least publish them under my own volition. Or then again, maybe not. A quick survey reveals my inventory to include, but not be limited to, the following items:

cupid-withdrawn - in which I professed my attraction to Clare Balding. (And yes, I knew before I wrote it, but I still like her.)

footprints-unfinished - a throughly whiny post where I feel terribly sorry for myself and suspect that I only ever make people unhappy, using the wonderfully circular logic that there is no way for me to know whether this is the case, but if I imagine it then it's probably correct, and how does anyone deal with that kind of thing on their conscience. Blimey, what a basket case.

hardline-unfinished - I'm not sure why this says unfinished, as it seems to be the piece I wrote about the chap in the bowler hat who got buried in Bernard Cribbins' "'ole in the ground". Oh dear lord listen to me, I called it a "piece". Pass the ego.

iphone-technical - a loose rant about technological nuisances. Not entirely fascinating.

first-blog-entry-unused - quite a good first blog entry which I wrote for another place. Never went anywhere, and obviously would be out of place now as any post I make would not be the first one. To be kept to one side in case developments in time travel facilitate its reuse.

STD-withdrawn - a joyously naive post from Valentine's Day 2007 in which I wondered if the cold-like symptoms I had been experiencing could have been as a result of me putting something in my mouth which I bought on eBay but might have once been in someone else's mouth. (To spare any blushes I explained that I was talking, hypothetically, about boiled sweets, which gave the post its title, "Sweetily Transmitted Diseases".) But for whatever reason I thought better of it at the time. I can't imagine why.

tvgohome - a spoof TV programme schedule based almost entirely on Charlie Brooker's ex-website "TV Go Home". Not quite as funny as I thought it would turn out, which is probably why I didn't do anything with it. One or two moments of potential though.

ed-music - something I wrote for another place and didn't use, about memories of recorded music. Only about three paragraphs worth before it turned into notes of things to mention, including "the nice sweet shop by the park", "how I got the record player", and "upset in Woolworth's". Hm.

flip-reverse - a humorous piece (argh I said piece again) where I provided a proper English translation of the lyrics to "Flip Reverse", the (then) latest single from teenage rap group "Blazin' Squad." Hilarious, of course, but somewhat rumbunctious, and probably just baffling when presented several years out of context.

I'm sure there are one or two memories and notes amongst this lot which I can reuse some time this year.

Hey-ho. Three for three. More writing tomorrow!