No Camera, No Laydeez

On my way home this evening, I passed by a large billboard at London's glamorous Waterloo station. It was an advert for a new camera by Samsung. Its message was simple:

"Imagine expressing your emotions with optical zoom"

Huh. I had not considered that before.

That said, the range of emotions that I could express with a camera is probably fairly limited. And not just because I have a limited range myself. I mean, even the finest and most considerate lover might have trouble expressing a full range of emotions armed with only a cameraphone. Of course, that lover would probably be French, such people being well known for being exceptionally artistic and frisky, so there is also every possibility that the camera might actually be useful to at least express some things which the language gap could not convey. For example, "je voudrais a acheter les piles" (I would like to buy some batteries) - conveyed by holding up the camera and pointing at the battery flap, adding, "uh? uh?" for good effect.

Alternatively perhaps perfectly expressing your emotions with optical zoom is the pinnacle of high art. I wouldn't be surprised if we don't see it at the next Edinburgh Fringe.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Come one come all, witness the amazing Johnny Samsung, who can only express his emotions with optical zoom, the original and best zoom-based emotion expressor, not to be confused with Johnny Kodak next door who can only express his emotions with a clearly inferior digital zoom. All those other Johnnys are just imitators. Marvel as the amazing Johnny Samsung presents the emotion of arousal!"

(Johnny angles his camera upwards, and extends the lens)

"Thrill to 'I have had too much to drink tonight!'"

(Johnny angles his camera downwards, retracting the lens)

"And of course, premature illumination."

(A confused-looking Johnny points the camera at himself while examining it, and inadvertently sets off the flash, causing him to fall over.)

I wonder if I have too much time on my hands.