Eating well is difficult. Particularly when you have to take acccount of the various 'superfoods' which we are told are ever so good for us, and must be consumed regularly, in order not to die. What foods are 'in' and 'out' seems to change on a week by week basis, but with the help of AOL's frivolous "Lifestyle" section, I have obtained this list of top nosh which is required to stay young, beautiful, and undead. Or maybe that should be un-dead, since "undead" has quite a different meaning to the literal.
The problem is, in today's busy world, it is hard to work the required number of portions of avocados and soil into your everyday dietary habits. A solution is required. Those who enjoy getting their vitamins from a tablet rather than fresh vegetables, ripped from the ground bursting with nutrients and so on, will already be aware of the (rather large) tablets which do all the thinking for you, delivering "100% RDA" of every vitamin that is good for you.
Vitamins are interesting, but not the whole solution. Apparently you actually need to eat fresh fruit and vegetables as well. Five a day, no less. Tony Blair says so. Remembering to eat enough fruit can also be difficult, but again, there is a lazy alternative. The nice people at Innocent make smoothie drink things which contain your "100% RDA" of all the fruit you're meant to eat in a day, all smooshed together in a little bottle which costs something not far short of £3, which in itself is 100% of the recommended daily donation to the profits of Innocent Nice Fruity Drinks And Nuclear Aerospace Holdings Incorporated.
But it's still not enough. How can you guarantee your RDA of Omega 3, a new invention found naturally in tubs of Flora margarine, and apparently now also present in oily fish, never ones to miss a marketing opportunity.
How can I be sure I'm getting my RDA of vitamins and fruits and vegetables and kippers, weird-looking avocados and everything else that people are supposed to eat to keep themselves on the side of the living?
Perhaps Innocent had a good idea, they just didn't go far enough. Getting your 100% RDA of fruit in a smoothie is one thing - how about getting your 100% RDA of EVERYTHING in a smoothie?
According to my research, the following ingredients would need to be 'smoothed' in order to create the ultimate "everything smoothie":
5 portions of fruit and/or vegetables (so that Jamie Oliver feels like a big man)
1 portion of Sardines (Swordfish will do if you're out.) (Good for the heart, diabetes, and arthritis)
3 servings of fruit juice (to prevent alzheimers and memory loss, apparently)
1 avocado (high in "healthy" monounsaturated fat and potassium, for detox)
1 portion of Brazil Nuts (high in selenium, which I think is what electronics are made of)
1 portion Broccoli (this probably counts as a vegetable, but is high in folate, which apparently, like beans, is good for the heart.)
1 portion Cabbage (contains "Amazing" anti-cancer compounds, sez AOL)
1 helping of Berries (Like Laborotoires Garnier, they neutralise free radicals and stop bacteria sticking to your urinary parts. Although they don't advertise that second part for some reason.)
2 carrots (lowers cholesterol by 10%, apparently.)
1 tomatoes (Reduces risk of cancer in the lower portions, it says here.)
1 bag of grapes (avoids wrinkly skin - huh, someone tell that to the sultanas.)
1 bar of dark chocolate (Supposed to stop... something or other. They say it's good for you now, anyway.)
2 litres of water (urban myth)
1 large vitamin tablet (for anything else that's missing. Eat more Zinc!)
I'm fairly sure this isn't a complete list, more will need to be added to the recipe as science continues and more pointless articles are published in the Daily Mail about what is good for you this week. But, in theory, a daily helping of the trademarked "Everything Smoothie" is all that is needed to avoid unwanted death. Unless you're allergic to nuts. Or avocadoes.. Or chocolate. Or selenium.
And of course, what it might actually taste like is a different issue again.
No comments:
Post a Comment