Simple Simon

As the grand clear-up continues, I am finding all sorts of previously forgotten items. Not least, my long-lost Simon. Simon is an electronic game, popular in the early 1980s when there was not much else to do. If you're not familiar with Simon, let me remind you - imagine a circular, space-ship kind of thing, with four large coloured buttons on it. One red, one green, one yellow, one blue.

 

The game is to repeat what Simon does. Press the 'on' button and Simon will light up the red button, making a cheery musical note as he does so. You press the red button. Simon lights up the red button, and then the green button, to the sound of more musical accompaniment. You press the red button, then the green button.

 

Simon is not finished. Red Green Blue, goes Simon. Red Green Blue, you press. Red Green Blue Yellow, says Simon. Red Green Blue Yellow, you press. Before you know it, Simon says Red Green Blue Yellow Blue Blue Green Red Yellow Yellow Red, and you're desperately trying to remember whether it was Red Green Blue Yellow Blue Blue Green Red Yellow Yellow Red or Red Green Blue Yellow Blue Blue Green Red Yellow Yellow Green. You only need to press the final green button to find out that you were wrong. The sound of an electronic raspberry proves that, once again, man is inferior to any machine with some lights and a 9 volt battery.

 

An electronic game I didn't own for myself, but did quite like nonetheless, was the "Speak and Spell". What could be more educational than a little computerised friend, constantly probing, searching, challenging the enquiring young mind of the onlooker, if it would please spell "bacon".

 

I had a chance to play with one of these just recently, in fact. "Now spell 'Bike'..", it suggested. It echoed the letters as I pressed the keys on its surface. "B. I. K. E. That is correct. Now spell flooph."

 

What?

 

"Now spell fluuph."

 

Erm.. What?

 

"Fluuph.", the computerised voice repeated, not sounding remotely peeved by the constant requests to repeat the question. (It had a button to do that, you know.)

 

I had no idea. So I gave it my best shot.

 

"Eff. Ell. You. You. Pee. Aitch. That is wrong. Try again. Spell flmmf."

 

I had no idea what word it was asking me to spell. I tried again.

 

"Eff. Ell. Oh. Oh. Aitch. That is incorrect. Try again. Spell fpllmfph."

 

I'd had enough by this point.

 

"Exx. Eff. Kew. Kew. Tee. Ess. Emm."

 

At least I knew that after three tries, it would eventually spell the word for me.

 

"That is in-correct. The word is fmmplupfh. Eff. Mmm. Emm. Fffph. - Fmmplupfh!"

 

I never did find out what the word was. I'm quite sure that I'll wake up one morning, about twenty or thirty years in the future, and suddenly work it out. But for now, the mysterious word remains a mystery.

 

So my point is this. While it's no Speak and Spell, I have found Simon once again. If I find some suitable batteries I might entertain his lightshow for a few moments, before ruthlessly selling him on eBay. Because while cleaning up I have found many things to sell on eBay. Not least, my old shredder, which I thought was broken.

 

Turns out that it wasn't broken, it was just resting. In fact it works as well as it ever did - which is not very well, it being loud and noisy (although very fast,) and only turning my confidential papers into long 7mm strips. Which is not really 'shredding' at all, I think. So now that I have a new shredder which does the job far more thoroughly and consistently, onto eBay the old one shall go.

 

I hope I can keep this up. I'm starting to run out of space for all the things I'm going to be putting on eBay. And what if they don't sell? Actually I can answer that already. To the bin, or to the charity shop, they shall go. Just got to remember - being ruthless is the key. Meantime, the cleanup continues.