It's Not Easy Being Green

Apparently last year, the Government came up with a list of pledges, for World Environment Day. And since being green is an important part of my international playboy lifestyle, I like to help the dolphins whenever and wherever possible. So let's review:

"1. I promise I will take a shower instead of a bath."

Absolutely not. Under no circumstances. I went seven years without taking a bath (because I lived somewhere which only had a shower, silly..) and eventually I couldn't stand it a moment longer. I like a nice bath. I save the environment by not having as many of them as perhaps I should do, which is very carbon neutral, although possibly a little stinky.

"2. I promise I will put a water saving device in my toilet."

Er.. no? Actually while I was having my bathroom ripped out and replaced with a new one, I did have the toilet replaced by a super-luxury device which has a much smaller tank and two flush buttons - a water-saving number one flush for number ones, and the monster number two flush, for number twos. I am always careful to flush accordingly.

"3. I promise I will turn the tap off when I brush my teeth"

Whose daft idea was that? Admittedly I did try this, as well as turning the tap off when shaving, but it is very annoying - because you keep having to turn the tap back on and off every time you want to wash away your toothpaste and bristles. Really if this saving the planet thing is going to catch on, it's going to need some work on its usability.

"4. I promise to use rechargeable batteries instead of disposable ones"

I quite like this idea anyway - problem is that I keep losing my battery chargers, so have to keep buying new ones. But I'm trying to rid myself of all disposable batteries - just as soon as I've used up all the ones I have.

"5. I promise to use a reusable bag when I shop, rather than plastic carriers."

I sometimes do this. But usually Tesco deliver my shopping in their nice little vans. They still use carrier bags, though. I could ask them not to, but then they'd have to unpack their green boxes in my kitchen, and I'm not sure if I'm that ready to accomodate strangers into my home beautiful.

"6. I promise to air my washing in public - not in the tumble dryer"

I'd love to, but where I live has this rule about not having the nice look of the locale messed up by having people's underwear flying in the breeze.

"7. I promise I will boil only the water I need, rather than filling the kettle every time."

I do try to do that - but my kettle doesn't seem to like boiling small amounts of water, and usually pays me back by dumping large lumps of limescale into my tea if I try. Perhaps I should buy a new one.

"8. I promise I will share my car journeys to work with a colleague, cycle or replace those car journeys with public transport at least once a week."

I don't go to work by car. In fact when I can be bothered to go to work, I share the journey with hundreds of other people. Who knew that using the trains would save the planet?

"9. I promise that I will pay back the environmental impact of any air travel I take"

No problem - I've never flown anywhere and can't imagine starting any time soon.

"10. I promise I will organise or volunteer for an environmental project in my local community."

No. That sounds altogether like a nuisance.

 

There must be easier ways to save the world..

What A Day

People can be funny things. So unpredictable, so.. annoying. And none more annoying than me, today, if all reports are to be believed.

It didn't start well. Opening my work email brought several grumbles from someone who was obviously well miffed that I had pointed out some showstopper mistakes in something that I was supposed to do something with.

Yes, it seems that I'm the bad guy, because don't I realise that it costs money to change things? And that they would make the changes "this time" but in future would I please speak only to the idiot who signed off the entirely faulty piece of work, in order that they can ignore me rather than look bad. Actually that last bit I added on myself. But nonetheless - it seems that I'm the bad guy for saying "er, hold on, this isn't right" rather than the person who signed off something which was so unusably bad and so entirely wrong in the first place. No "thanks for saving us from looking stupid in front of millions" for me, dear me no. No thanks at all for getting in the way.

A stroppy phone call (them to me) resulted in me almost losing my temper, but needless to say I was nothing but sweetness and light, even if I did need to shout them down to stop them from moving on to the next item on their list of my wrongs, before I had a chance to respond to the first one. Needless to say, my responses didn't count for a lot, they just waited for me to stop speaking and then continued as if nothing had happened. Admittedly they always do that - I think they think they're "handling" me - but it doesn't stop it being especially irritating in this case.

I wrote a big stroppy email (their boss, their boss's boss) complaining about it but didn't send it in the end.

The afternoon brought about more floundering emails from their department and associates, such that I had to send more 'firm' emails stating the case. The people who "get it," got it and were cool. The people who don't get it, didn't reply. We'll see how successful that strategy is for them.

This evening, a trip to the internet to visit my favourite discussion hole, where items of great weight and import are discussed. It seems that I am not soup of the day here either, being described as an "odious little wanker" by someone who I had disagreed with and labelled as a 'face man'.

Can't please some people some days. Still, there's always tomorrow.

Before My Time

As much as I loved the 80s, it seems that a lot of it passed me by. I liked a lot of the music, had much time for Rick Astley and Adam Ant, but there was plenty that, to my uncultured ears, was just not particularly interesting. The Smiths, Scritti Politti, Talk Talk, and The Style Council were all groups which, at the time, just didn't seem to make the music I liked.

But as I get older, I realise that there's a lot I missed out on. And while I still can't stand Paul Weller, I adore the music of the four aforementioned bands more and more. Luckily enough their music is still around, making it easy to catch up. Here's my current favourite track this hour - how can you argue with something as perfect as this?

Have you ever chased the night that sailed in front of you
On a boat thats bound for hope - but left you in the queue
With your shouting, waving, taunting, flaunting friends as crew
Telling you that every lie you ever heard was true
Have you stood upon that dock - have you ever had it blue?

Have you ever woke to find the morning didn't come
Undelivered with the papers - stolen by someone
Found the milkman bound and gagged and shackles round the sun
And the holder of the keys turns out to be the one
The girl you had your heart set on - have you ever had it blue?

Have you ever watched the day, passing by your door
Powerless to change its course, your feet fixed to the floor
When all the people you thought you knew are changing more and more
Even the girl you thought would see, seems only to ignore
The only love worth fighting for - have you ever had it blue?
"Have You Ever Had It Blue" - The Style Council