It's Not Easy Being Green

Apparently last year, the Government came up with a list of pledges, for World Environment Day. And since being green is an important part of my international playboy lifestyle, I like to help the dolphins whenever and wherever possible. So let's review:

"1. I promise I will take a shower instead of a bath."

Absolutely not. Under no circumstances. I went seven years without taking a bath (because I lived somewhere which only had a shower, silly..) and eventually I couldn't stand it a moment longer. I like a nice bath. I save the environment by not having as many of them as perhaps I should do, which is very carbon neutral, although possibly a little stinky.

"2. I promise I will put a water saving device in my toilet."

Er.. no? Actually while I was having my bathroom ripped out and replaced with a new one, I did have the toilet replaced by a super-luxury device which has a much smaller tank and two flush buttons - a water-saving number one flush for number ones, and the monster number two flush, for number twos. I am always careful to flush accordingly.

"3. I promise I will turn the tap off when I brush my teeth"

Whose daft idea was that? Admittedly I did try this, as well as turning the tap off when shaving, but it is very annoying - because you keep having to turn the tap back on and off every time you want to wash away your toothpaste and bristles. Really if this saving the planet thing is going to catch on, it's going to need some work on its usability.

"4. I promise to use rechargeable batteries instead of disposable ones"

I quite like this idea anyway - problem is that I keep losing my battery chargers, so have to keep buying new ones. But I'm trying to rid myself of all disposable batteries - just as soon as I've used up all the ones I have.

"5. I promise to use a reusable bag when I shop, rather than plastic carriers."

I sometimes do this. But usually Tesco deliver my shopping in their nice little vans. They still use carrier bags, though. I could ask them not to, but then they'd have to unpack their green boxes in my kitchen, and I'm not sure if I'm that ready to accomodate strangers into my home beautiful.

"6. I promise to air my washing in public - not in the tumble dryer"

I'd love to, but where I live has this rule about not having the nice look of the locale messed up by having people's underwear flying in the breeze.

"7. I promise I will boil only the water I need, rather than filling the kettle every time."

I do try to do that - but my kettle doesn't seem to like boiling small amounts of water, and usually pays me back by dumping large lumps of limescale into my tea if I try. Perhaps I should buy a new one.

"8. I promise I will share my car journeys to work with a colleague, cycle or replace those car journeys with public transport at least once a week."

I don't go to work by car. In fact when I can be bothered to go to work, I share the journey with hundreds of other people. Who knew that using the trains would save the planet?

"9. I promise that I will pay back the environmental impact of any air travel I take"

No problem - I've never flown anywhere and can't imagine starting any time soon.

"10. I promise I will organise or volunteer for an environmental project in my local community."

No. That sounds altogether like a nuisance.

 

There must be easier ways to save the world..