I Can Has Lasers?

Last week I needed to print something out. But it would not print. Mr Printer decided that it would really rather prefer me to install a new ink cartridge, and would not co-operate with any plans of printing until this was done.

So I installed a new ink cartridge. I always keep some handy. This pleased my printer enough to cause printing to begin, but at first the result was all streaky and missing bits. This isn't too unusual when you put in a new cartridge, so I told it to go clean its nozzles, as printers often need to do.

After a double nozzle cleaning, all was well, and hoping to print my thing at long last, I was therefore delighted to see a new message appear on the screen.

"Your EPSON printer reports that an internal component has reached the end of its life."

Basically, on an inkjet printer that must be about five or six years old (how time flies), and is therefore unrepairable, this error message means "buy a new one".

No amount of coaxing, of button pressing, of turning-it-off-then-on-again, would get it to play ball. Once the printer has decided that its life is at an end, it cannot be persuaded to play.

I find this annoying. I rather like to find out that household appliances are at the end of their life by some kind of verifiable and obvious means. Loud grinding sounds, sparks coming out of the sides, springs and cogs flying in all directions. That, to me, says "end of life - buy a new one." But for a printer that was working quite well enough just seconds before to suddenly turn up its heels and DECIDE that it had had quite a good innings but that was quite enough, is just not quite in line with how I expect things to work.

The printer could also not be persuaded to release the precious ink cartridge which I had freshly installed in it not moments earlier. Of course there wouldn't be much that I could do with it (unless I had another identical printer, which of course I don't because they don't make them any more) but it is still the point of the thing.

So, reluctantly, I chucked out a perfectly good, yet somewhat self-euthanised, printer, and bought a new one. Not a new Epson printer, of course, or in fact even a new inkjet printer. No. I have taken the opportunity to "trade up" to something more whizzy.

I remember when laser printers used to be expensive and large - but now they're not. So this afternoon a nice man knocked on my door and delivered a nice new HP Laserjet 1020. No ink, just lasers. And toner. It is small and quiet and good, and now sitting on top of my VCR where Mr Epson once spent his time. Not bad for £50, including free delivery. Who wouldn't be delighted by such a bargain?

Of course I keep wanting to print things now, so as to properly play with my new toy. I must resist. But at least I finally printed out that thing I needed a week ago...