I Heard The News Today, Oh Boy

I despair at the criminal state of news reporting in this country. I'm quite sure that all news broadcasts are now officially "News For The Stupid." On TV, on radio, on the internet.. it's coming in through the walls - you can't avoid it.

I have nothing against the news. I do actually quite like knowing what's going on. The problem is that most news broadcasts today finish with me less informed than I was when I first tuned in. To say nothing of additionally annoyed.

I used to quite like Big Brother. Now that's not news, but my point, and I do have one, is this: In recent years Big Brother went to hell because the producers seemed to spend all their time trying to synthesise artificial "conflict" in the belief that this is what the viewers wanted. The depressing thing is that they may have actually been right - which raises a whole separate issue about the intelligence of the fellow people we're sharing the planet with - but more depressing still, the news is heading in exactly the same direction.

"Here's the news this morning, somebody has said something, and we're going to get a reaction from someone who will disagree. Mr Disagree, what are your thoughts? Great, now we've got a fight. Here is the news, somebody else has disagreed with what somebody said." - Assuming that somebody has actually said it and it's not one of these artificial "Later today, somebody IS GOING TO SAY.."-type stories that also pass for news in today's society.

And once you've got a fight going, why keep it to yourself? It used to be that the news was the news, and that was that. But no, not any more. Now all the news programmes are urging me to "have your say on our message boards", to "talk back" with my "reaction" to the day's news.

You know something, I don't WANT to know what other people think, I don't WANT to hear "reaction" from largely uninformed members of the public. I don't want this pompous "reflecting the opinions of everyday people" rubbish you see on the BBC. I want to hear some actual NEWS, perhaps written by a proper JOURNALIST or REPORTER, someone who can UNDERSTAND a story, maybe even RESEARCH it, and present it to me as a finished news report, an accurate and factual account of what has happened and what it means.

Won't somebody just tell me what's going on? Is this too much to ask? Am I just turning into a grumpy old man?

The horrifying thing about news is when you actually, personally, know something about the subject being reported on. And that's when you see the reporting of the subject is just so badly mistaken - or just flat-out wrong - that you're amazed something so WRONG is being broadcast to other people. And if that's what the reports about things you know about are like.. what about the other ones?

The worst kind of "news", if you can even call it that any more, is that which actually interferes with the natural course of events.

"Well, a controversial decision was handed down today by a Judge and Jury at a court somewhere, when someone was sentenced to go to jail but maybe not for long enough. The move has attracted criticism from the moronic, ignorant, and Daily Mail journalists, none of whom were actually in the court, heard any of the evidence, or know anything about the case, but still feel more qualified to pass judgement than those people who actually were. Why don't you have your say on our message boards. And the results of our "News Poll" show that 84% of you agree that the sentence should have been longer. Even though none of you were actually in the court, heard any of the evidence, or even know ONE DAMN THING about the case, apart from the misleading and emotive snippets which we could be bothered to report to you. And now some weather."

And it goes on and on and on for weeks, until some brainless politician announces a "crackdown" on "this sort of thing", or someone resigns, or just chucks themselves off a cliff in despair. If they're lucky there'll be more cases just like this one, so "the issue" can fill up hours of airtime for months at a stretch. "And some more people have been bitten by dogs today, a Government minister announced a crackdown, but some have said that it doesn't go far enough...."

No, actually today has changed my mind, the worst kind of news is the peddling of racism under the guise of "national debate".

"Our top story tonight, former politician Jack Backside said that people who have a different religion should not be allowed to express their beliefs. Other politicians agreed, saying that people who are different are deliberately not being the same and they should be. Minister Phil Dillo said that one person who was useful, but was different, should be sacked - like it's anything to do with him. Have your say on our message boards. The Department For Can't We All Just Get Along (Apart From Those Different People) said that "It's far better to debate the issues than sweep them under the carpet". In other news, British Airways has been condemned for not allowing its employees to express their religious beliefs. Politician Mr Peter Peter Peter said that this was obviously different, since the religion being inhibited was likely to be more popular with voters, and so he didn't suggest that anyone should lose their jobs for being different at all."

It's like this all over the world. We are all going to hell. It's just so thoroughly depressing.